Why Immigrants Don’t Find Home in Each Other

“Divide & Conquer”, was a strategy used by colonization to break up people and lands against each other, thus, making it easier to gain control & power over these peoples and lands.

As a South Asian Indian American woman, born and raised in the United States, I always wondered where “home” was for me. While America has always been my home country, many still ask me “where are you from?” at first glance. On the contrary, family visits to India would always spark a sense of being an outcast. I vividly recall a memory of awkwardly speaking my mother tongue in a thick American accent in efforts to connect with my grandmother, but before I knew it, everyone in the room exploded with laughter and blood rushed to my face with embarrassment. Thus, the concept of home became a very interesting yet complex one.

What makes one feel at home? Is it a place, where you were born, or consists of loved ones you care about? Perhaps home moves with you despite where you go?

For some periods, life has taken me away from my childhood home & family, allowing me to explore home within myself, in new places for a certain phase of my life...only until I evolved and grew out of these places. I would find myself dreaming of wanderlust far away from my physical reality, in search of home once again. I have also witnessed coming back to my childhood home & city, only to find that so much has changed. What is especially thought provoking is that many immigrants, children of immigrants, and even grandchildren of immigrants feel this way as well.   

“Growing up I’ve always wanted to connect with others in my community but didn’t feel belonged, as I felt they were being judgmental, stuck up, too competitive, or narrow minded” are words that many of my clients say

And so, I wonder can we really ever feel at home in a new place? Of course we can acculturate and assimilate, just like a repotted plant does after being severed from its original roots and placed into a new pot to grow...but what are the repercussions of that? Especially if the plant isn't growing in a community of other plants or a nourishing environment. Similarly, when I think of our immigrant parents who came to a new country, they were in a state of survival mode, either by choice, or forced through wars & famine.  Regardless of the situation, they were facing colonization. 

As a result, our parents raised us in a state of survival mode, raising us to be in survival mode & competitive against one another.

For instance, I am always struck by these divides within my own community of North Indians vs. South Indians, Hindus vs. Muslims, higher caste vs. lower castes, and subcultures forming cliques... When in reality, at one point in time, we all lived in harmony during indigenous times & pre colonial invasion all across the globe from Asia, South America, Africa etc. 

How much longer will we put ourselves in this cycle of craving our own community yet pushing away our own community?

How much longer will we live our lives in a state of survival mode? Instead, how about we live in abundance, community, and love & care for one another? Instead of othering, we can live in a state of caring & relating. We deserve to feel belonged, loved, and at home again. 

Perhaps all of this sounds great and makes sense but this isn’t your reality yet. You don’t know where to start on your journey of feeling loved and belonged in community. I know how this feels and I've been there myself! That is why I created a community for this, a women's & femme circle for multicultural sisterhood, which you can read more about here . If you are craving community but are wanting to walk this journey at your own pace first, I also offer individual psychotherapy as well as couple's therapy. You can read more blogs here and receive free wisdom & news by subscribing to my newsletter below.