Heartbroken by Men? Healing the Feminine & Masculine Within in 3 Exercises

Do you keep attracting toxic men who break your heart? And I mean it has happened once...okay, twice...ugh, thrice...what is going on!?

Before I go on with this blog, it's important for me to say you are NOT responsible for patriarchy. You are not responsible for the toxic masculinity and their inability to hold themselves accountable for their actions. You cannot control someone's journey of growth & healing.

What you do have power over however, is your own healing and growth.

What is Feminine & Masculine?

We all have feminine and masculine energy within us, and this is unlimited to gender identity. Feminine & Masculine are also known as anima & animus from Jungian psychology, Yin & Yang in Chinese philosophy, and Shiva & Shakti in Indian Vedic philosophy. The two happen simultaneously, in that the feminine cannot exist without the masculine, and the masculine cannot exist without the feminine.

From work & rest, structure & adaptability,  logic & creativity, introversion & extroversion, and giving & receiving, our inner masculine and feminine can bring us balance so that we can be our highest & most conscious selves!

The Wounded Feminine & Masculine

However, life experiences, parental upbringing, conservative cultures, trauma, the list is endless, can make us unbalanced and even wounded.

Maybe your father figure was controlling or abusive. Maybe your mother figure was insecure or needy. Maybe your caregiver/s left. Perhaps your home environment growing up was chaotic. Maybe you are a survivor of sexual trauma and are on the journey of Reclaiming Your Sexuality.

Overtime, these experiences shape our inner masculine & feminine. Eventually as adults, we tend to gravitate towards men, or partners who reflect what is familiar to us. In other words, a man compliment's your inner masculine & feminine.

While accountability is crucial, this article isn't about shaming, guilting, or blaming our men, but encourages healing for all. Because let's face it, we are ALL living under a patriarchal & colonized paradigm and thus, have been wounded in our inner masculine and feminine in some way. 

This thought can be a hard pill to swallow in the beginning of our healing journey because the cuts of our wounds can run so deep. This is when therapy can be supportive.

Healing the Wounded Feminine & Masculine

We can find empowerment in noticing our toxic patterns and working towards breaking these cycles.

1. Let go of your limiting beliefs about men. 

Write down every toxic thought you have about men e.g. men are disloyal, abusive etc., and next to it write down, not every man is like this. A man can be loyal , loving, etc. Then, just take a moment to look at all your affirmations and observe what comes up for you with non judgement.

2. Notice the media you are consuming. 

From song lyrics, to television shows, the masculine and feminine is so often portrayed in its wounded forms. Give yourself a mental detox and refrain from toxic media.

2. What does your inner healthy masculine look like? 

From traits, qualities, and even physical appearance, imagine what your inner masculine looks like. You can get creative and draw your inner masculine on a paper or edit your own selfie. Have a conversation with your inner masculine, get to know him, ask him questions.

3. Repeat the same steps for your inner feminine.

What are your toxic beliefs about women? Are they gossipy or dramatic? Remember that the masculine cannot exist without the feminine, & vice versa. 

Through this process we must restore trust in the masculine, as the masculine is the watcher and protector while the feminine is the creator, read more about this here. Embodying your healthy masculine & feminine, and projecting that out into the world will invite in a man, woman, partner, friendships, and people who have also done their inner work. People who have or are in the process of letting go of toxic beliefs & wounding.

Maybe you love how all this sounds but it seems so far fetched, new, and are just words right now. It's natural to not feel quite embodied yet. Or perhaps this thought can be a hard pill to swallow in the beginning of our healing journey because the cuts of our wounds can run so deep. This is when therapy can be supportive. Healing our inner feminine and masculine doesn't happen overnight, it is a journey. You've taken the first step just by reading this!

If you desire to dive deeper into your healing, I can support you through individual psychotherapy, couples therapy, & women’s circles. Book a consult with me below!